Change Spirals

After running the Provo City Marathon in May I all, but fell off of training. I kept going minimally until the Hobbler Half in July where it took me roughly 3.5 hours to finish. After that I slipped into a severe depression.
Between being unemployed and not having anymore races scheduled for the year, I had nothing to keep me going and I just spiraled for, well, if I'm being honest...I'm still in the spiral. I am having a really bad time right now, but I am NOT giving up!!!
I am trying to dig myself out by trying to raise money to do the Chicago Marathon next fall, but it's difficult to commit to it 100% without having at least enough money for registration and airfare. It's hard to make plans when your lucky if you make $100 a month!
To aid in the fund raising I have started a Go Fund Me Campaign! In order for my mom and me to go to Chicago for a week and me to run a race I need to raise $4000-5000! That will cover airfare, registration, motel and food!
If anyone can help me out, I would truly appreciate it! Visit my GoFundMe page to donate!
Thank you!!!

Change Comes With Little Victories

From my journal on 5/4/13:
Wow! I ran the Provo City Half Marathon today and I had a GREAT time! I was FREEZING at the start line, getting to used to desert life I guess!
I noticed after the race started that I was only about 10 or 15 yards behind the 2:30 pacer and I kept expecting him to slowly disappear in the distance, but I was shocked when I made it the first 2 miles at that pace! I was feeling pretty good for the most part and realized that my training really HAS done well for me!
I started the race shooting for 3:15:30 and by mile 10 I was sure I would come in right under that. 3 blocks from the finish line I heard them announce another runner's time at 2:55! Something in me clicked and I just started moving as fast as I could, which was not very, but I managed to squeak in at 2:59:39!!! I was absolutely FLOORED! I couldn't believe that that had just happened!
I HAVE FINALLY BEATEN THE 3 HOUR MARK!!!

Change Can Be Hurry Up & Wait!

As I gear up for my first half marathon of the year, The Provo City Half, I am anxious and excited! I have 12 days to go...less than 2 weeks and I can't wait!!! Its the first time I am traveling specifically for a race, though it is a race I have run before. Having moved several hours away from my regular races, they take a little extra effort to attend now, but its worth it to me! I feel like I am in hurry up and wait mode right now! I am trying to just take it one day at a time, stick to my training schedule and make it through. I keep thinking about getting on that bus, heading up the canyon in the dark and running back down just after sunrise. Last year, I didn't train very well for this race, the year before, I didn't train at all...this year I have been running at least 3 days a week, at least 8 miles for about 6 weeks now and shorter distances before that. The last couple of weeks I have been increasing my mileage a couple times a week. This week I will do a 9, a 12 and a 10 mile run with a possible 8 miler as well. My goal is to finish PCH in 3:15:30, my best time for this race is 3:24 so I hopen to at least beat that! My personal all time best is 3:05, but that was a different canyon! At some point this year, I would love to finish under 3 hours, just have to keep working at it and pushing myself! For now, I'll just hurry up and wait!

Change Is A Fight

So I almost threw in the towel this morning! The alarm went off at 3:30 and my body screamed, "SCREW THIS"! I closed my eyes again thinking, this sucks, I have to go or I'll be letting myself down as the other side of my brain said, "SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE"! 3:45, second alarm. I can't do it, I just can't. I've been working so hard, I physically do not have it in me this morning...but I have to. I sat up, laid back down, punched the bed and sat back up again. I have to. I was right on both counts, I did not physically have it in me to run 8 miles today, but I had to do something...so I rode my bike instead. Its called cross training and it reduces the likelihood of injury! Its been about 5 years since I rode regularly so it was tough, especially on the uphills, but I got my butt out of bed and I worked out, I didn't let the little voice inside my head that tears me down everyday win. I won. I showed myself that I am in control of what I do, of how I am, of my health and my life. I don't do it for anyone else, no one else would even notice if I stayed in bed. I don't do it for attention, half the world is still asleep when I start pounding pavement. I do it for me, I do it to feel better physically and mentally, I do it...because I can, I do it...for my life.

Sometimes Change Comes Early (Like 4AM Early!)

Well, I came up with that training schedule I mentioned last time and it gradually takes me up to the 13 miles I will need to run in May.
Of course, there is that old saying, best laid plans and all... I have actually been really good about sticking to the schedule for the most part, until this week that is. I worked the schedule out so that I am running on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and this week I was scheduled to do 5 miles each day for a 15 mile week. Instead I did 5 miles on Monday, a 6 mile walk on Tuesday and 8 mile runs on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! That's right, 35 miles! More than double the plan!
Why you ask? With mom's truck being our only usable car at the moment and her not being able to drive and me not liking driving it by myself (for those that don't know, it's a stick shift) I have been running from home to the hospital every morning (at 4AM!) to pick mom up from work! If I thought I had it in me, I would take her TO work and run home too, but I'm not there yet so that part is on someone else! :-) I will be doing this or riding my bike until she is able to drive again...and maybe after that, come summertime it may be the only bearable time of day to run!

Change feels good!

So I haven't been running as much as I should lately, but I have decided to mock up a training schedule to get me through the Hobble Half Marathon.
Today I ran about 5 miles and it felt GREAT!!! I ran past the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge and it was a great inspiration to keep going! Think I might do it again tonight!
I need to figure out a good schedule so that when I get some clients or find a job I will still be able to train. I refuse to compromise my health for my career ever again because I know that the healthier I am the better my career will go!

Change... has its moments

WooHoo!!! I lost almost 3 pounds this week! Doesn't seem like much to some people, but to me, its awesome! I have had SO much trouble losing weight in the last year that to see a ONE POUND loss makes me giddy! So imagine how I feel about a 3 pound loss! I WILL get to my goal this time and nothing is going to stop me!!! This, this right here, this is change...and I am SO ready!

Change can have accidents

This has been a ROUGH weekend! I was doing pretty well all week and then on Friday I got into a car accident  and the last 3 days of my week were straight downhill!
Had no car to get quick food at Subway and was so sore I couldn't stand long enough to cook a healthy meal. So my calories went up and my exercise went down and all I can do is pray that it does affect my weigh in next week.
I squeaked by on today's weigh in. I didn't lose anything, but I didn't gain anything either, so I consider myself lucky.
I am still stiff and sore, but I am working through it. And without a car, I guess I will be riding my bike a little more often! Burn calories, burn!

Change can be poetic

I went running last night and it felt great! Not quite a mile in just under 11 minutes! I can't wait for my first race of the year!
I know it sounds funny for someone that is as overweight as I am, but running fuels my fire. I absolutely love participating in 5K's, 10K's and Half Marathon's. I don't run them to win, because I am realistic, I run them to improve myself! Just finishing is a major accomplishment for me and it feels amazing every single time!
I have been known to push myself pretty hard on these runs and, yes, I have even hurt myself, but I have to forget that and keep going. If I don't, then I am defeated. That is the worst thing in the world! When I forget about it and move forward, I am victorious.
A wonderful friend of mine posted a "six word story" on Facebook and it inspired me to write one of my own...Forget Pain, Push Forward, Relish Victory.

I will not be defeated!

Change comes with surprises

Today I got an awesome surprise! I have been trying all week to win an entry into a race by Run13 and today I finally did!!! I will definitely be up in the Provo area for Cinco de Mayo weekend to run the Provo City Half Marathon! I can't wait! Not having to pay for the entry will give me enough for an extra day to see my friends and family! I am SO happy right now that I just want to go run my butt off!!! Race=Motivation ♥☆★♡★☆♥☆★♡

Change comes slowly

After a rough week, I am feeling surprisingly good! I was not feeling very optimistic during the middle of the week because I was tired and eating crap and making excuses.
Despite all of that, I still managed to reign it back in, cut back my calories a bit and step up my exercise for the last 2 nights of the week. And the turn around paid off, I lost 1.5 pounds last week. Doesn't sound like much, but it is healthy rate and I know I will have bigger weeks and lower weeks. I am proud of that loss and it was just the fuel I needed to carry into this week and conquer, well...myself!
Thankfully I have some help! I have been using a calorie tracking app for a while and I found out that a friend of mine is using it too. That is great because we can track each other, encourage each other and participate in challenges! The competition aspect really gets me going! I don't win things very often, but for some reason, if its a competition, I try harder! Thank you Stephanie for inviting me to a challenge!
Here's to having a great week!

Change...comes with set backs

I am determined to make this work this time and to that effect, I keep reminding myself that I will have set backs! I will have days, especially while retraining my diet, when I will completely blow my calories and I may not exercise everyday. As long as I can recognize those days and not let them train wreck on me, I will be ok.
As you might expect, this subject is on my mind because I have had a rough couple of days this week. I have missed 2 nights of exercise and have eaten crap for the last 2 days.
Thankfully I am able to recognize it...it's the reigning it in that I am still grappling with. I am learning, but it is still a day by day kind of thing and it's hard. It may take me a few days to get back to the good place I was in last week, but I WILL get back!
So just remember that even if you slide a little on that slippery slope of getting healthy, if you dig in your heels and don't give up, you'll start climbing again in no time. Just remember the climb because if you forget any of it, you will slide right back down.

I hate to quote Miley Cyrus, but if it fits...

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaken

But I, I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb.